After a fun night performing silly poems, monologues and novelty songs at the Thistle, I’ve decided to try and do this full-time.
By what I seriously hope was popular consent (!), my 30 minute slot finally ended after 75 minutes.
To fill out the time, I strayed from my poetry brief to include the monologue about rugby as a series of mathematical formulae that I wrote for Jim Hopkins as part of a Shell ad campaign in the 90s.
That went down well, so I thought I’d attempt to do justice to several songs by my all-time favourite lyricist Tom Lehrer.
One of these was The Elements Song – the one where Lehrer rattles off 102 elements from the periodic table in about 150 seconds to the tune of I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General.
Check out this Flash-illustrated version of the original – oh, and see if you can spot the handful of uncharacteristic pronunciation errors 🙂
And don’t tell Mr Lehrer, but I took the liberty of adding another verse to include the elements discovered since his 1960 recording:
And then there was lawrencium
And hassium and dubnium,
Meitnerium and bohrium
And finally ununbium;
It’s next to unununium
And don’t forget seaborgium,
And also ununilium
And (Ernest) rutherfordium.
We’ll tell you any other ones
The minute they discover them,
And just in case you wondered
There are one hundred and twuv o’ them.
I’ve long thought it would be fun to spend my time touring schools and enthusing and amusing kids about our crazy language. But somehow, the grownup world and its baubles has always got in the way.
Well, no I’m going to give it a shot, and see what happens.
(I always make my life-changing decisions on the spur of the moment like this. If I think about it too much, sanity will prevail. Far better to back myself into a corner with a public announcement :-))
With a mix of conference speeches and school ‘word concerts’, I hope to keep my head above water doing what I love most.
If it works, it will be a vindication for Mum, who always said I should ditch the serious stuff and concentrate on the silly.
My speaking agent will hopefully be able to get me enough conference work to compensate for the lower fees paid by schools.
If anyone can point me to any schools that would welcome such an addition to their literacy programme, please email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Same if you know of any conference speaker-seekers needing a keynote or after-dinner speech about words.
Tell them I’d be happy to give them a demo down the phone. As soon as I can, I’ll put something on YouTube.
Thanks to Laurice Gilbert of the NZ Poetry Society for inviting me on Monday night.